I love it when God speaks to me. Especially when He speaks to me in a way that I know, that I know, that I know, it was Him. This time, He spoke to me at church during the worship service. It actually caught me off guard because I wasn't even expecting anything. Let me explain...
In Friday's blog, I ranted. I wrote some things I've not really talked about to anyone and it's caused me to do a lot of praying and talking to God about specific issues. While I was praying and crying out to God, an old song came into my head by Petra called "Grave Robber." Where is the sting, tell me where is the bite, when the grave robber comes like a thief in the night? I thought it was strange for that particular song to pop into my head right at that moment, especially considering it has been years since I've heard it. I didn't think a whole lot about it, and soon forgot about it as I was getting ready for church.
During the worship service we sang a song I was unfamiliar with. However, one of the verses in the song said "death, where is your sting". My hands flew to my mouth and my eyes opened wide. I realized instantly that God was talking to me. So I began to pray and ask Him what he would have me do. At that point we started another worship song called "Clean." As we sang it I clearly heard my Father tell me to listen to the words. The first part of the song is "My God has rescued me, taken my rags and made me clean. Opened my eyes, so I could see. My God has rescued me." I felt God say, "keep listening" so I did. "And all I have, I give to You. All I have, I give to You." At that point I clearly heard Him said, "wait for it" and then it came..."I lay it at Your feet. I lay it at Your feet." God was clearly telling me to take the situation that I have been praying and agonizing over and lay it at His feet.
I didn't get a "yes" or "no" answer from Him, which was really what I was looking for. But what I did get was that I need to lay it at His feet and He will answer in the way He sees best for my life in His time. I have to stop stressing over it, crying over it, worrying over it, and just lay it at His feet!
You know, when God speaks to me this clearly, a yes or no answer isn't as important as I thought it would be. Just knowing that God loves me enough to even speak to me at all knocks my socks off. But to go about it in the way He did at church, well, even now it makes me weep.
The message that the pastor spoke on had everything to do with my agonizing prayer. I was blown away by it. It was like a soothing balm over my wounded soul. I had a hard time not weeping during the message.
He had the Ministry Team come forward after the service and invited anyone who needed prayer in this area to come forward. He also invited anyone who just needed prayer to also come forward. I knew I needed to go up there, but it is a very delicate issue and not something I can just talk to anyone about. So I hesitated. I finally said, "God, if You want me to get prayer, show me someone I would be able to approach. I don't want to just talk to anyone up there." Standing all the way at the end of the front of the stage was one of the associate pastor's wife. I just knew she was the one to talk to. So, before anyone else had a chance to grab her, I darted out of my seat and went up to her.
I really didn't have to tell her very much. In fact, I just said a few words and she started to pray. Without knowing my situation at all, she prayed for specific areas in my life that I was dealing with and said things that went right to my heart. She repeated parts of conversations I was having with God. I mean, if this was a baseball game, she would have hit a home run right out of the park. God was definitely speaking to me through this woman!
The situation in my life has not changed. I am still struggling and dealing with everything. But today, I don't feel like I'm all alone with it. I know God is walking with me through this and encouraging me to lay it all at His feet. I don't know yet, what His answer is. But I know He has one and will give it to me in good time. I think for now though, He wants me to trust Him, and also He wants me to know, He hears my prayers. So, I lay it all at His feet!
Psalm 18:19 (NIV)
He brought me out into a spacious place; He rescued me because He delighted in me.
God is speaking to you. Are you listening?
Be blessed,
Sue
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
Warning...rant ahead!
I find myself having a grand ol' pity party today. I'd invite everybody, but really, you don't want to come. I wouldn't be pleasant company anyway.
I've been really discouraged the past few days (weeks). I've been spending time reading other blogs written by Mommy's and car pool queens, yada yada yada. They all talk about their "Mr Wonderful" that they are married to. He's that guy who can do "just about anything" and they "thank God for giving me a man like him" etc., etc., etc. Depressing!!! (Pity party pathetic!)
I remember when I used to sing praised about my prince. I felt like I was the luckiest woman alive to be married to my man. That was before he got so sick. Now I measure time differently. Everything is either before renal failure or after renal failure.
Before renal failure Jack was the most reliable person I knew. If he said something was true, you could stake your life on it being true. If something needed to get done, he'd do it. (Maybe not right away, but he would do it.) If I needed to remember an important date all I had to do was tell Jack and he'd remember for me. He was better than a calendar.
Then he got sick. He had pneumonia and didn't want to go to the doctor. He quit drinking fluids. He got worse and still refused to go to the ER or see a doctor. When he finally got so bad that he couldn't argue with me, I called 911 and had him taken to the hospital. I should have done it sooner. He hadn't drank anything in a couple of days and his already diseased kidney was now in renal failure. For ten years he'd been fighting kidney disease and taking the best possible care of his kidneys so he would not have to get dialysis. But none of that mattered anymore. Three days of sickness and no fluids shot ten years of being very careful. Actually, when I think about it, we could have been here a lot sooner, had he not been so careful.
So once Jack was better, the kidney doctor set him up to get the shunt in his arm for dialysis. We also went to the Mayo Clinic and he went through a battery of tests to see if he was a good candidate for a kidney transplant. He was. He decided to try for a living donor with one of his siblings or children. Meanwhile, he began dialysis. That was two years ago this month.
As of today, we are still waiting for a kidney. Jack's siblings and children are not candidates due to them having the diabetic gene or bad kidneys themselves.
It wouldn't be so hard waiting for this kidney if Jack wasn't having other problems directly caused from the dialysis. According to his psychiatrist, he has cognizant memory loss due to dialysis and is delusional. It's almost as if he has dementia or Alzheimer's. The one difference, with a new kidney and no more dialysis, his memory "might" get better.
I say "might" because the doctor told Jack he has to also exercise his brain daily. He suggested crossword puzzles, brain games (which is why I spent $200 on a Wii and Brain Academy), reading, etc. But Jack does none of these things. He forgets to do them. He forgets how to turn the Wii on. He gets confused with the puzzles. He gets frustrated because he can't concentrate on the books and it takes him hours to read a few pages.
So he sits on the couch and stares at the TV (with the mute on), and he disappears a little bit more each day. And there is nothing I can say or do to fix it. I beg, I plead, I cry, I yell. But he doesn't understand. In his mind he hears things that no one says. He thinks things that aren't true. He sees things differently than they really are.
I miss my Jack. There are days (like today) when I miss him so much that I just want to cry. So I pray. I pray for a kidney. I pray for his brain. I remind myself and him that he has the mind of Christ. But it is frustrating because there is no counseling, no medicine, no book to fix this. He just needs a kidney.
I tell God often that I didn't sign up for this. I am sure I stood in the line for the house with the white picket fence and flower garden. I wanted the husband who took care of me, kept me safe, paid the bills, etc. Not the other way around. And what does God tell me?
"My child, my grace is enough for you. I will not bring you to anything that I will not help you get through."
It's really hard to have a pity party when God talks to you like that!
Oh Daddy, hold my hand as Jack and I walk through this rough time in our lives. Let Jack know You are always with him, even when his mind is not working right. And Dad, please send that kidney, soon.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (NIV)
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Be blessed,
Sue
I've been really discouraged the past few days (weeks). I've been spending time reading other blogs written by Mommy's and car pool queens, yada yada yada. They all talk about their "Mr Wonderful" that they are married to. He's that guy who can do "just about anything" and they "thank God for giving me a man like him" etc., etc., etc. Depressing!!! (Pity party pathetic!)
I remember when I used to sing praised about my prince. I felt like I was the luckiest woman alive to be married to my man. That was before he got so sick. Now I measure time differently. Everything is either before renal failure or after renal failure.
Before renal failure Jack was the most reliable person I knew. If he said something was true, you could stake your life on it being true. If something needed to get done, he'd do it. (Maybe not right away, but he would do it.) If I needed to remember an important date all I had to do was tell Jack and he'd remember for me. He was better than a calendar.
Then he got sick. He had pneumonia and didn't want to go to the doctor. He quit drinking fluids. He got worse and still refused to go to the ER or see a doctor. When he finally got so bad that he couldn't argue with me, I called 911 and had him taken to the hospital. I should have done it sooner. He hadn't drank anything in a couple of days and his already diseased kidney was now in renal failure. For ten years he'd been fighting kidney disease and taking the best possible care of his kidneys so he would not have to get dialysis. But none of that mattered anymore. Three days of sickness and no fluids shot ten years of being very careful. Actually, when I think about it, we could have been here a lot sooner, had he not been so careful.
So once Jack was better, the kidney doctor set him up to get the shunt in his arm for dialysis. We also went to the Mayo Clinic and he went through a battery of tests to see if he was a good candidate for a kidney transplant. He was. He decided to try for a living donor with one of his siblings or children. Meanwhile, he began dialysis. That was two years ago this month.
As of today, we are still waiting for a kidney. Jack's siblings and children are not candidates due to them having the diabetic gene or bad kidneys themselves.
It wouldn't be so hard waiting for this kidney if Jack wasn't having other problems directly caused from the dialysis. According to his psychiatrist, he has cognizant memory loss due to dialysis and is delusional. It's almost as if he has dementia or Alzheimer's. The one difference, with a new kidney and no more dialysis, his memory "might" get better.
I say "might" because the doctor told Jack he has to also exercise his brain daily. He suggested crossword puzzles, brain games (which is why I spent $200 on a Wii and Brain Academy), reading, etc. But Jack does none of these things. He forgets to do them. He forgets how to turn the Wii on. He gets confused with the puzzles. He gets frustrated because he can't concentrate on the books and it takes him hours to read a few pages.
So he sits on the couch and stares at the TV (with the mute on), and he disappears a little bit more each day. And there is nothing I can say or do to fix it. I beg, I plead, I cry, I yell. But he doesn't understand. In his mind he hears things that no one says. He thinks things that aren't true. He sees things differently than they really are.
I miss my Jack. There are days (like today) when I miss him so much that I just want to cry. So I pray. I pray for a kidney. I pray for his brain. I remind myself and him that he has the mind of Christ. But it is frustrating because there is no counseling, no medicine, no book to fix this. He just needs a kidney.
I tell God often that I didn't sign up for this. I am sure I stood in the line for the house with the white picket fence and flower garden. I wanted the husband who took care of me, kept me safe, paid the bills, etc. Not the other way around. And what does God tell me?
"My child, my grace is enough for you. I will not bring you to anything that I will not help you get through."
It's really hard to have a pity party when God talks to you like that!
Oh Daddy, hold my hand as Jack and I walk through this rough time in our lives. Let Jack know You are always with him, even when his mind is not working right. And Dad, please send that kidney, soon.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 (NIV)
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Be blessed,
Sue
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Now on to the General!
The primary is over in AZ. Monday night I thought I was going to scream. Four political commercials in a row and all of them attacking their opponent. Seriously, I don't want to hear what is wrong with the other guy...I want to hear what is right about you! Tell me what you will do for me if elected. Tell me why I should elect you. And please, oh please, don't lie about your accomplishments! The Internet is full of information and it will only take me a few minutes to read up on you.
Most of the candidates I voted for made it to the general election. There is only one that is still questionable (almost 50/50 between the two), but I am praying. We need officials who will support our Constitution and work for "we the people." I will be so glad when November is here and the elections are over. I really hope and pray the people will let Washington and their government know how they truly feel! We have been silent for too long and now we need to fix it.
Tonight is 'girls night out' with my best friend. Lord knows I need it! It's been a long week and my weekend was busy as well. I would love to go on vacation somewhere up in the mountains. I wish I could just pack up my tent, sleeping bag, air mattress and camping gear and just go. I would too, if I wasn't worried about leaving Jack alone. *sigh* Anyone have a kidney they don't want? (Must have 0+ blood...)
Speaking of kidneys, Jack and I spent the morning out at the Mayo Clinic in Scottsdale. The staff out there are the best! He had four appointments on his itinerary, two in the morning and two in the afternoon...one of them late afternoon. He got his first two appointments done before lunch and they told us to come back right after we ate rather than wait until 2:30. So after lunch we came back and it was a simple chest x-ray. Then they sent us over to the department to get his EKG done. His appointment was for 3:15 but they took us right in. We were done and on our way home by 1:00. So what was to be an incredibly long day turned out to be a shorter one. We go to the Phoenix clinic next month to meet with the transplant doctors to go over his results. I pray we have as easy a time there as we did at the Scottsdale clinic.
Jack has decided to talk to the doctors about a possible pancreas/kidney transplant. Originally we had decided to just go for the kidney because we thought one of his children or sisters would be a candidate as a living donor. However, Mayo has very strict requirements and none of them are viable candidates. (Diabetes gene, kidney problems, etc.) We currently have someone outside the family who is being tested as a possibility and we are praying. But, having our hopes dashed several times, we are not allowing ourselves to get our hopes up this time. We are putting it in God's hands since He already knows where that kidney is.
But if this person turns out to also not be a candidate, then we are going to look into the pancreas/kidney transplant. We've been told the wait is shorter if we go this route, but, it would mean someone else would have to die. It's hard to think about that.
So, my BFF is here and ready to take me out. I already feel better!
John 3:16
For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish, but have life everlasting.
Be blessed,
Sue
Most of the candidates I voted for made it to the general election. There is only one that is still questionable (almost 50/50 between the two), but I am praying. We need officials who will support our Constitution and work for "we the people." I will be so glad when November is here and the elections are over. I really hope and pray the people will let Washington and their government know how they truly feel! We have been silent for too long and now we need to fix it.
Tonight is 'girls night out' with my best friend. Lord knows I need it! It's been a long week and my weekend was busy as well. I would love to go on vacation somewhere up in the mountains. I wish I could just pack up my tent, sleeping bag, air mattress and camping gear and just go. I would too, if I wasn't worried about leaving Jack alone. *sigh* Anyone have a kidney they don't want? (Must have 0+ blood...)
Speaking of kidneys, Jack and I spent the morning out at the Mayo Clinic in Scottsdale. The staff out there are the best! He had four appointments on his itinerary, two in the morning and two in the afternoon...one of them late afternoon. He got his first two appointments done before lunch and they told us to come back right after we ate rather than wait until 2:30. So after lunch we came back and it was a simple chest x-ray. Then they sent us over to the department to get his EKG done. His appointment was for 3:15 but they took us right in. We were done and on our way home by 1:00. So what was to be an incredibly long day turned out to be a shorter one. We go to the Phoenix clinic next month to meet with the transplant doctors to go over his results. I pray we have as easy a time there as we did at the Scottsdale clinic.
Jack has decided to talk to the doctors about a possible pancreas/kidney transplant. Originally we had decided to just go for the kidney because we thought one of his children or sisters would be a candidate as a living donor. However, Mayo has very strict requirements and none of them are viable candidates. (Diabetes gene, kidney problems, etc.) We currently have someone outside the family who is being tested as a possibility and we are praying. But, having our hopes dashed several times, we are not allowing ourselves to get our hopes up this time. We are putting it in God's hands since He already knows where that kidney is.
But if this person turns out to also not be a candidate, then we are going to look into the pancreas/kidney transplant. We've been told the wait is shorter if we go this route, but, it would mean someone else would have to die. It's hard to think about that.
So, my BFF is here and ready to take me out. I already feel better!
John 3:16
For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish, but have life everlasting.
Be blessed,
Sue
Thursday, August 19, 2010
I hurt as I type
I saw the doctor this week regarding all the pain I am experiencing in my body. It turned out to be an almost two hour appointment as the Physician's Assistant spent almost an hour and a half going over my life history. We talked about every surgery I've had, different illnesses, medications I take and or have taken, family history on my mom and dad's side, etc.
She was more concerned with my back pain. She felt that was the area we needed to first focus on because the other areas may be connected to that injury. She gave me some topical patches to wear and see if they help. She said they are like Novocaine. (They didn't seem too helpful the day I tried them. But I'll give them another chance before deciding.)
She also said I may have osteoarthritis. Most of my symptoms go along with the symptoms of this condition. She recommended some exercises to help strengthen my lower back and gave me two brochures, one on fibro and one on osteoarthritis. Both brochures recommend taking yoga to help with the pain and it just so happens, we are currently having yoga classes twice a week at work.
So, Tuesday night I bought a yoga mat and yesterday was my first class. I did things I didn't know my body could do! I stretched in ways I am sure my body has never stretched before!
I was pretty stressed out when I found out the appointment was going to last that long. I was supposed to pick Lilly up from school at 3:00 and my appointment was at 2:00. I knew I was going to be late and let the school know that she would be in the after care program when school got out. They said that was fine. I thought I'd be maybe 20 minutes late, not an hour or more!
So when the doctor came in and examined me, all I could think about was "I need to go!" So I didn't really go in detail about all my aches and pains. She said she wasn't sure if I had fibro. When she touched all the pressure points I had 8 or 9 of 18. She said they want you to have at least 11 areas that are tender. I had also told the PA that I was having a fairly good day that day, not a whole lot of pain, so the Dr. said it was possible on a bad day I might have more areas that she found. I told her I didn't think I had fibro, but still am concerned about how much I hurt.
She was more concerned with my back pain. She felt that was the area we needed to first focus on because the other areas may be connected to that injury. She gave me some topical patches to wear and see if they help. She said they are like Novocaine. (They didn't seem too helpful the day I tried them. But I'll give them another chance before deciding.)
She also said I may have osteoarthritis. Most of my symptoms go along with the symptoms of this condition. She recommended some exercises to help strengthen my lower back and gave me two brochures, one on fibro and one on osteoarthritis. Both brochures recommend taking yoga to help with the pain and it just so happens, we are currently having yoga classes twice a week at work.
So, Tuesday night I bought a yoga mat and yesterday was my first class. I did things I didn't know my body could do! I stretched in ways I am sure my body has never stretched before!
 |
| This one actually feels good! |
I did all of these poses and more. They sure felt good at the time, but this morning was a whole new story! But, I am a glutton for punishment. We had another class today and I went back.
Today, we had some new poses...
In viewing different yoga poses to put on this blog, I saw a lot of other yoga poses I don't even want to do.
Yeah, the ones I did were hard enough! These are the ones YOU can do!
Oh, if I don't blog tomorrow, it's because I am hurting way to much!
I need to remind myself of one of my favorite scriptures:
Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.
Be blessed,
Sue
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Can I boast a little more?
So, if you know me, you know that all my kids are grown up and have lives of their own. Which of course means, that I have empty nest syndrome. Yeah, my life is a drag. Every day I have to come home to a quiet house knowing that it will be in the same shape it was in when I left it, (other than the slight mess my husband makes, which, as the original "rain man" is very little).
I never get to come home to messy bathrooms, unkempt bedrooms, dishes in the sink, etc. Phone calls from teachers asking why my child wasn't at school today (she wasn't? What??? KERRY!!), or the school nurse calling to tell me my son fell on the play ground and needs to go to the ER because "we think he broke his leg," (yet the next day there he was climbing the tree), or strange boys calling at all hours of the night to talk to one of my girls, never happen anymore. (Now a midnight call would be the wrong number!) Nope, I never get to have that kind of excitement anymore! Like I said, my life is sooo boring. (And if you don't know me, you don't know how sarcastic I am being right now!) I LOVE the empty nest!!!
But...I miss my kids. I miss those hugs in the morning when I sent them off to school. I miss the midnight cuddles when they climbed in my bed after having a bad dream. I miss dressing them up and taking them to church. I miss watching the excited expressions on their faces as they learned something new about the world they were growing up in. I definitely miss feeling them inside of me as they grew.
I guess that's why I love reading blogs written by other mommies. It reminds me of a time of new beginnings, youth, discovery and becoming an adult. It also makes me wish blogs were out there when I was a young mom. *sigh* I've made so many mistakes! And who knows that I wouldn't make them still even if the blogs were out there when my kids were young? But just reading about all the ideas, crafts, homeschool escapades, etc., make me wish I'd had more resources available when my kids were young.
OK, enough of that!!!
Now that I got that out of my system, allow me to boast a little more.
I have the most handsome grandson! He is 16 years old and in ROTC. He wants to fly airplanes when he is older. This kid is awesome! He is very smart as well. And man, does he look great in a uniform!
This is Jared, my first born grandson. I hope he knows how much his Grandma and Papa love him. We expect great things from this guy and are convinced he will succeed.
Psalm 27:13 (NIV)
I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.
Be blessed,
Sue
I never get to come home to messy bathrooms, unkempt bedrooms, dishes in the sink, etc. Phone calls from teachers asking why my child wasn't at school today (she wasn't? What??? KERRY!!), or the school nurse calling to tell me my son fell on the play ground and needs to go to the ER because "we think he broke his leg," (yet the next day there he was climbing the tree), or strange boys calling at all hours of the night to talk to one of my girls, never happen anymore. (Now a midnight call would be the wrong number!) Nope, I never get to have that kind of excitement anymore! Like I said, my life is sooo boring. (And if you don't know me, you don't know how sarcastic I am being right now!) I LOVE the empty nest!!!
But...I miss my kids. I miss those hugs in the morning when I sent them off to school. I miss the midnight cuddles when they climbed in my bed after having a bad dream. I miss dressing them up and taking them to church. I miss watching the excited expressions on their faces as they learned something new about the world they were growing up in. I definitely miss feeling them inside of me as they grew.
I guess that's why I love reading blogs written by other mommies. It reminds me of a time of new beginnings, youth, discovery and becoming an adult. It also makes me wish blogs were out there when I was a young mom. *sigh* I've made so many mistakes! And who knows that I wouldn't make them still even if the blogs were out there when my kids were young? But just reading about all the ideas, crafts, homeschool escapades, etc., make me wish I'd had more resources available when my kids were young.
OK, enough of that!!!
Now that I got that out of my system, allow me to boast a little more.
I have the most handsome grandson! He is 16 years old and in ROTC. He wants to fly airplanes when he is older. This kid is awesome! He is very smart as well. And man, does he look great in a uniform!
Psalm 27:13 (NIV)
I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.
Be blessed,
Sue
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Back to work and the real world!
I've been off work since last Thursday. I took a few days off to help my daughter when she had the new baby. So for the past four days I've been a substitute mom to two little girls. My baby is 27 years old so its' been a long time since I've had to get girls up, get them dressed, do their hair, etc.
Since I was off Thursday and Friday, it wasn't that big of a deal to get Lilly off to school. Monday is also my flex day so it was not much of a problem yesterday, either.
Today was a totally different story!
I knew that my husband couldn't handle both girls while I was at work, so we took Desi, the four year old, back home yesterday. (To say her heart was broken is an understatement! She cried big tears when we left her.) We stayed and visited with the new baby for a little while and I helped my daughter straighten up the house a little bit.
We came home and I got Lilly to bed and asleep by 9:00 and was in bed myself by 9:30. Got up this morning at 5:15 and took my shower. Lilly woke up shortly after, on her own.
Getting ourselves dressed was easy. And God bless Papa, he cooked us both breakfast. I packed her lunch box while I ate. After breakfast I took her in to do her hair and brush our teeth. Lilly has long curly hair so it takes a long time to brush. Thankfully I braided it the night before so it wasn't full of knots.
At 6:30 we were ready for Papa to take me to the bus. I almost forgot my own lunch, but remembered just in time. I made it to the bus and they headed back home to wait for Lilly's school to start.
When I got to work Papa texted me and had me call Lilly. She cried when I got on the bus but he was able to make her laugh and all was good.
I will keep Lilly until Friday night so for the next three mornings I get to repeat this routine again! For all those moms out there with jobs outside of the house and young children you have to dress and get ready for school or daycare, I don't know how you do it every day, but you have my deepest respect and admiration. I was a SAHM when my kids were growing up and I thought it was hard getting them ready back then!
So today I went back to work. Aaaah, so peaceful and quiet! (Until the phones ring anyway!) I know why God gives children to the young! I don't know how Sarah and Abraham did it!
On another note, my 14 year old granddaughter started her Freshman year last week. I am amazed with this child. She is extremely smart and very wise. She is teaching herself Japanese without a tutor and she wants to write a book. She is already working on it now. I believe Paige will be able to do anything she sets her mind to and the world had better watch out!
She is so beautiful! It's hard for me to believe she is really 14 and a Freshman in High School! It seems that it was only yesterday when she started Kindergarten. I am so blessed to have such wonderful children and grandchildren. They are truly a gift from God!
2 Corinthians 10:17-18 (NIV)
“But, "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord." For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends.”
Be blessed,
Sue
Since I was off Thursday and Friday, it wasn't that big of a deal to get Lilly off to school. Monday is also my flex day so it was not much of a problem yesterday, either.
Today was a totally different story!
I knew that my husband couldn't handle both girls while I was at work, so we took Desi, the four year old, back home yesterday. (To say her heart was broken is an understatement! She cried big tears when we left her.) We stayed and visited with the new baby for a little while and I helped my daughter straighten up the house a little bit.
We came home and I got Lilly to bed and asleep by 9:00 and was in bed myself by 9:30. Got up this morning at 5:15 and took my shower. Lilly woke up shortly after, on her own.
Getting ourselves dressed was easy. And God bless Papa, he cooked us both breakfast. I packed her lunch box while I ate. After breakfast I took her in to do her hair and brush our teeth. Lilly has long curly hair so it takes a long time to brush. Thankfully I braided it the night before so it wasn't full of knots.
At 6:30 we were ready for Papa to take me to the bus. I almost forgot my own lunch, but remembered just in time. I made it to the bus and they headed back home to wait for Lilly's school to start.
When I got to work Papa texted me and had me call Lilly. She cried when I got on the bus but he was able to make her laugh and all was good.
I will keep Lilly until Friday night so for the next three mornings I get to repeat this routine again! For all those moms out there with jobs outside of the house and young children you have to dress and get ready for school or daycare, I don't know how you do it every day, but you have my deepest respect and admiration. I was a SAHM when my kids were growing up and I thought it was hard getting them ready back then!
So today I went back to work. Aaaah, so peaceful and quiet! (Until the phones ring anyway!) I know why God gives children to the young! I don't know how Sarah and Abraham did it!
On another note, my 14 year old granddaughter started her Freshman year last week. I am amazed with this child. She is extremely smart and very wise. She is teaching herself Japanese without a tutor and she wants to write a book. She is already working on it now. I believe Paige will be able to do anything she sets her mind to and the world had better watch out!
2 Corinthians 10:17-18 (NIV)
“But, "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord." For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends.”
Be blessed,
Sue
Friday, August 13, 2010
Aubrey is her name...
Today is Friday, the 13th. I've heard lots of people say this day is a "bad luck" day. I would like to debunk that myth right here and now.
Friday, the 13th is a WONDERFUL day! Especially Friday, August 13th, 2010! Because on that day a most wonderful thing happened...
Yep! My newest (16th), grandchild arrived at 8:38 this morning! It was an unbelievably fast labor and delivery. The first contraction started at 5:00 and her water broke at 6:00. I arrived at 8:00 thinking we had a looong day ahead of us. At 8:24 she felt pressure. The nurse checked her and said "oh my goodness, you are done!" and she called the doctor and nursery to get in the room now. Sandy started pushing at 8:34. One and a half pushes and at 8:36 little Aubrey was out!! She weighs 6 lbs, 4.5 oz and is 19 1/2 inches long. She is just beautiful. Yep, I am bursting with joy.
One of my other daughters planned on being there for the delivery but her battery was dead when she got up this morning. She was able to get a jump and head to the hospital. I called her at 8:31 to ask her where she was and she had just pulled into the parking lot of the hospital. She walked into the delivery room and the doctor told her to "grab a leg" and daddy grabbed the other one. Mommy pushed and out she came! Papa was out testing his blood sugar and missed the whole thing!
We tried to get J.J. in this one, but he got off the bed. You can almost see him to the right of the bed.
I thank God for a wonderful delivery and that Nana and Aunt Connie were able to get there on time. It was close!
Friday, the 13th is a WONDERFUL day! Especially Friday, August 13th, 2010! Because on that day a most wonderful thing happened...
 |
| Aubrianna!!! |
One of my other daughters planned on being there for the delivery but her battery was dead when she got up this morning. She was able to get a jump and head to the hospital. I called her at 8:31 to ask her where she was and she had just pulled into the parking lot of the hospital. She walked into the delivery room and the doctor told her to "grab a leg" and daddy grabbed the other one. Mommy pushed and out she came! Papa was out testing his blood sugar and missed the whole thing!
 |
| Sandy and her girls! |
 |
| Daddy and his babies. |
Psalms 126: 2-3 (NIV)
2 Our mouths were filled with laughter,
our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
"The LORD has done great things for them."
our tongues with songs of joy.
Then it was said among the nations,
"The LORD has done great things for them."
3 The LORD has done great things for us,
and we are filled with joy.
and we are filled with joy.
Be blessed,
Sue
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
First day of Kindergarten
My baby's daughter started Kindergarten today. She has been excited for weeks for this day to arrive. She has her back pack, new shoes, clothes and all the school supplies one little five year old could possibly want. Her Grandma Cindy was just as excited as her Nana (me) and has spent a small fortune on her. Clothes, backpack, etc. The child needs nothing! We are very thankful to Grandma Cindy, because mommy and Nana could never have bought her all those wonderful gifts. With Baby Aubreanna coming hopefully sometime in the morning, mommy is really focusing on the labor and being induced. Nana will be up there to great her newest granddaughter along with Aunt Kerry and Aunt Connie. This will be Sandy's special day to bring our sweet little Aubry into the world.
Lilly had a wonderful day! She came to my house first to get my camera and show Papa how pretty she looked.
She has her purple dress and her purple princess backpack. She was so excited.
Little Sister Desi wanted to share this special day with her. Smile girls!
This little girl ran up and hugged her when she first got there. Lilly had no clue who she was but they were best friends before school began. They were inseparable the rest of the day.
With her little class mates. (They all look too young for school!)
Ms. Nancy reads them a story. Lilly's favorite part of the day.
It's OK mom, you can leave! I can take care of myself now!
Oh they grow up too fast. It was only last year that Nicole started Kindergarten. And now she's a Senior! How did that happen anyway?
Wasn't she a cutie? She's a beauty now! She's 18 years old and just beautiful.
See? Told you she was beautiful.
Psalm 127:3-5 (KJV)
3Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
4As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.
5Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.
More pictures coming soon of the newest one and hopefully some of the other kids first day of school if moms took pictures.
Be blessed,
Sue
Then God created........
I know God loves me. I mean, I really know God loves me! Ya wanna know how I know? Because He created...
What is better than chocolate? It is the most perfect food in all the world! When I'm stressed, what do I crave?
When I am happy, what do I crave?
When I am worried, what do I crave?
When I am sad, WHAT DO I CRAVE?
Yes! Chocolate!
God would not have created such a marvelous and splendidly perfect food if He did not love me! I am completely and totally convinced that when I die and go to Heaven, chocolate will be everywhere!
And the best news...no calories! It's going to be wonderful!!!
Song of Solomon 2:4 (KJV)
He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love.
(I do believe there will be chocolate there!)
Be blessed,
Sue
CHOCOLATE!!!
What is better than chocolate? It is the most perfect food in all the world! When I'm stressed, what do I crave?
CHOCOLATE!!!
When I am happy, what do I crave?
CHOCOLATE!!!
When I am worried, what do I crave?
CHOCOLATE!!!
When I am sad, WHAT DO I CRAVE?
CHOCOLATE!!!
Yes! Chocolate!
God would not have created such a marvelous and splendidly perfect food if He did not love me! I am completely and totally convinced that when I die and go to Heaven, chocolate will be everywhere!
And the best news...no calories! It's going to be wonderful!!!
(And you thought the gate to Heaven was made of pearls!)
(You've been warned....)
(Or a lot of chocholate now and now!)
(Just ask my husband!)
 |
He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love.
(I do believe there will be chocolate there!)
Be blessed,
Sue
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
I have so much to learn about blogging...
I am still rather new to the world of blogging and am discovering that I have so much still to learn. For example, anyone can stumble upon my blog and read it. Or they just have to click on the little tab above that says “Next Blog >>” and it might (maybe) be my blog that shows up.
I did a Google search to see if I could find my blog there. I found all kinds of pages such as a page where I can buy honey or nutritional bars, another Suebee’s Buzz written by a different person, (I started blogging before she did so can I call her a copy cat?), A 29 day giving challenge, a Sue Bee Etsy page (I give…what’s Etsy?), but I couldn’t find me. What the heck? I searched “Suebee’s Buzz” again, and still no me!
Then I looked at the title of my blog. It’s “Subee’s Buzz”, not “Suebee’s Buzz”. Duh!
Anyway…I am finding a whole ‘nother world out there in bloggersville, or whatever blogging people call it…(I have so much to learn!) From what I’m reading on other blogs, it’s OK to comment on their posts. In fact, they rather enjoy the comments (except for when they are rude and/or down right insulting!) Some of the bloggers even comment back to the comments and have an actual conversation thingy going on.
What I can’t figure out yet (and there are many things), is how to link to someone else’s blog while referring to their page. For instance, I’m loving (and following), “Dust Bunny Hostage” “My Real Life Was Backordered”, “Everyday Places”, “More of Him, Less of Me”, etc. I’d love to be able to type in the name of their blog and you just click on it and it goes to them.
I finally figured out what a SAHM meant. (I do confess, I thought it was either a religious cult or a sadistic sexual thing….) OK, if you are scratching your head now, it means a Stay at home mom! What do I know? I am a WAFHM! (Oh come on…you do know that it means I’m a work away from home mom right?) Maybe I did just make that one up…
I also want to figure out how all those pictures get posted. I did one using the funslide, but I don’t want to do that every time I want to add pictures. So I’m wondering if there is an easier way to do it. (Anyone?)
Then we have that “Follow” button where you can click on and follow that blog. I’ve figured that one out and am actually following several blogs now. But, when I click on their picture, it just brings me up information about them. It doesn’t take me to their blog. So I’m not sure how I can follow them when they respond to my blog (not that many have…but just in case someone actually does that I’ve not met or am currently following.)
Of course, I can’t forget the Widget buttons. (What is a widget anyway?) I have been able to do a few of those, but really, it was all sheer luck! I still have to go back and figure out how I added the list of blogs I’m reading because I want to add some more!
I’m sure there is a lot, LOT, more that I need to learn about blogging. Is there a blogging course on the internet? I mean, how did everyone learn how to do all the really cool stuff I’ve been seeing as I read these blogs? It can’t be that hard, can it? (Please tell me it is easy…I don’t have the patience for anything that takes a lot of thinking!)
Oh, and I guess there are some blogs out there where they (the blogger), don’t want any comments. Now, to me, that doesn’t make any sense! If you are going to blog for all the world to see, why wouldn’t you want comments? Isn’t that like an actor performing on stage saying they don’t want applause or a singer not wanting you to buy their albums? Seriously, I’m not being rude, I truly want to know!
I am blogging because someday, I want to write a book. It’s obvious to anyone reading my blogs that my writing skills leave a lot to be desired. I have a lot to learn and blogging is a great way to practice. It also makes me take the time to actually write. But, if I don’t get feedback, how am I going to know where I need improvements? So yeah! I want comments! (Just not the obnoxious ones by anonymous posters.)
Of course, I still only have four followers, and maybe that’s all I’ll ever have. I guess that’s ok. But if you are reading this, and you have any pointers to help me along, I’d love your comments. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Oh by the way, this morning I woke up again with a worship song in my head. I love it when the very first thought on my mind upon arising is God! I can’t think of a better way to wake up! The song is by Chris Tomlin, “Everlasting God”
Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
Isaiah 40:31 (NLT)
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.
Be blessed,
Sue
I did a Google search to see if I could find my blog there. I found all kinds of pages such as a page where I can buy honey or nutritional bars, another Suebee’s Buzz written by a different person, (I started blogging before she did so can I call her a copy cat?), A 29 day giving challenge, a Sue Bee Etsy page (I give…what’s Etsy?), but I couldn’t find me. What the heck? I searched “Suebee’s Buzz” again, and still no me!
Then I looked at the title of my blog. It’s “Subee’s Buzz”, not “Suebee’s Buzz”. Duh!
Anyway…I am finding a whole ‘nother world out there in bloggersville, or whatever blogging people call it…(I have so much to learn!) From what I’m reading on other blogs, it’s OK to comment on their posts. In fact, they rather enjoy the comments (except for when they are rude and/or down right insulting!) Some of the bloggers even comment back to the comments and have an actual conversation thingy going on.
What I can’t figure out yet (and there are many things), is how to link to someone else’s blog while referring to their page. For instance, I’m loving (and following), “Dust Bunny Hostage” “My Real Life Was Backordered”, “Everyday Places”, “More of Him, Less of Me”, etc. I’d love to be able to type in the name of their blog and you just click on it and it goes to them.
I finally figured out what a SAHM meant. (I do confess, I thought it was either a religious cult or a sadistic sexual thing….) OK, if you are scratching your head now, it means a Stay at home mom! What do I know? I am a WAFHM! (Oh come on…you do know that it means I’m a work away from home mom right?) Maybe I did just make that one up…
I also want to figure out how all those pictures get posted. I did one using the funslide, but I don’t want to do that every time I want to add pictures. So I’m wondering if there is an easier way to do it. (Anyone?)
Then we have that “Follow” button where you can click on and follow that blog. I’ve figured that one out and am actually following several blogs now. But, when I click on their picture, it just brings me up information about them. It doesn’t take me to their blog. So I’m not sure how I can follow them when they respond to my blog (not that many have…but just in case someone actually does that I’ve not met or am currently following.)
Of course, I can’t forget the Widget buttons. (What is a widget anyway?) I have been able to do a few of those, but really, it was all sheer luck! I still have to go back and figure out how I added the list of blogs I’m reading because I want to add some more!
I’m sure there is a lot, LOT, more that I need to learn about blogging. Is there a blogging course on the internet? I mean, how did everyone learn how to do all the really cool stuff I’ve been seeing as I read these blogs? It can’t be that hard, can it? (Please tell me it is easy…I don’t have the patience for anything that takes a lot of thinking!)
Oh, and I guess there are some blogs out there where they (the blogger), don’t want any comments. Now, to me, that doesn’t make any sense! If you are going to blog for all the world to see, why wouldn’t you want comments? Isn’t that like an actor performing on stage saying they don’t want applause or a singer not wanting you to buy their albums? Seriously, I’m not being rude, I truly want to know!
I am blogging because someday, I want to write a book. It’s obvious to anyone reading my blogs that my writing skills leave a lot to be desired. I have a lot to learn and blogging is a great way to practice. It also makes me take the time to actually write. But, if I don’t get feedback, how am I going to know where I need improvements? So yeah! I want comments! (Just not the obnoxious ones by anonymous posters.)
Of course, I still only have four followers, and maybe that’s all I’ll ever have. I guess that’s ok. But if you are reading this, and you have any pointers to help me along, I’d love your comments. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Oh by the way, this morning I woke up again with a worship song in my head. I love it when the very first thought on my mind upon arising is God! I can’t think of a better way to wake up! The song is by Chris Tomlin, “Everlasting God”
Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
(Repeat)
Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary
You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles
Isaiah 40:31 (NLT)
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.
Be blessed,
Sue
Monday, August 9, 2010
God is always so good!
I love it when God does something special for me to let me know He is here and He loves me. It tickles me right down to my toes! And this weekend, He did it twice! I love Him so much!
Let me back up and explain.
If you've been reading my blogs (and thanks if you do, by the way), you know that last Friday was a very difficult day for me. I ending my blog with the scripture from Psalm 121: 1-2 (I lift my eyes to the hills-where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.)
That scripture has special meaning to me because it was also a worship song our church did. When Christy died, it was the only song we sang at her funeral. For a long time afterwards, I couldn't sing that song without crying my eyes out. It literally broke my heart. But then one day God had me really listen to the words and I realized what a wonderful worship song it was and I no longer wept while signing it (unless it was good tears).
Anyway....it's been 16 years since Christy went on to be with our Daddy and worship songs have come and gone over the years. That particular song is one of the old ones that we really don't sing anymore.
So imagine my delight when this weekend at church our Worship Pastor did this song! I remembered posting that scripture on Friday and knew immediately that it was God's way of telling me He is with me always and knows my heart. I sang with such joy! What a blessing He gave me.
My pastor started a new topic this weekend and he told us that we would be studying it for a couple of months. We will be going through it verse by verse so we can fully understand what Jesus was teaching us. That topic: The Sermon on the Mount! I could tell by listening to his introductory message that this series is going to be exciting, life changing, emotional and maybe even a bit difficult. I can't wait!
I read my Bible before I go to sleep at night. I always want my last thoughts to be good thoughts, not stressful thoughts such as difficult events in my life, bills needing to be paid, family crisis, etc. So reading the Bible right before falling asleep seems to help me have a right frame of mind and, as a bonus, very peaceful dreams. Because I tend to read until I can no longer keep my eyes open, I usually don't know what the next chapter will be about. So imagine my surprise last night when I opened up my Bible where I'd left off the night before and, I was at Matthew, Chapter 5 . . . The Sermon on the Mount!
I don't believe those two events were coincidences! I know it was my Daddy letting me know He loves me, He cares for me, and He will help me through whatever comes my way. I got God bumps all over me!
For those who are reading my blog, (again, thank you!), I wasn't sure if you new the words to the song so I'm going to post them below. It is from Psalm 121.
I lift my eyes up
To the mountain
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from You
Maker of Heaven
Creator of the earth.
Oh how I need You Lord
You are my only hope
You're my only prayer
So I will wait for You
To come and rescue me
Come and give me life
(Brian Doerksen)
It's the start of a new week. A lot is happening this week. The legislature is going into a special session so work will be crazy busy for a few days. On Thursday my youngest is going to be induced and I plan to be with her in the delivery room. Her oldest child starts Kindergarten on Wednesday. I also have a six year old grandson who starts first grade today. I have a granddaughter who is starting her Freshman year and another starting her Senior year. Milestones in each of their lives. Then of course there are the other in betweens also starting school. Love them all so very much!
Matthew 19:14
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
Be blessed,
Sue
Let me back up and explain.
If you've been reading my blogs (and thanks if you do, by the way), you know that last Friday was a very difficult day for me. I ending my blog with the scripture from Psalm 121: 1-2 (I lift my eyes to the hills-where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.)
That scripture has special meaning to me because it was also a worship song our church did. When Christy died, it was the only song we sang at her funeral. For a long time afterwards, I couldn't sing that song without crying my eyes out. It literally broke my heart. But then one day God had me really listen to the words and I realized what a wonderful worship song it was and I no longer wept while signing it (unless it was good tears).
Anyway....it's been 16 years since Christy went on to be with our Daddy and worship songs have come and gone over the years. That particular song is one of the old ones that we really don't sing anymore.
So imagine my delight when this weekend at church our Worship Pastor did this song! I remembered posting that scripture on Friday and knew immediately that it was God's way of telling me He is with me always and knows my heart. I sang with such joy! What a blessing He gave me.
My pastor started a new topic this weekend and he told us that we would be studying it for a couple of months. We will be going through it verse by verse so we can fully understand what Jesus was teaching us. That topic: The Sermon on the Mount! I could tell by listening to his introductory message that this series is going to be exciting, life changing, emotional and maybe even a bit difficult. I can't wait!
I read my Bible before I go to sleep at night. I always want my last thoughts to be good thoughts, not stressful thoughts such as difficult events in my life, bills needing to be paid, family crisis, etc. So reading the Bible right before falling asleep seems to help me have a right frame of mind and, as a bonus, very peaceful dreams. Because I tend to read until I can no longer keep my eyes open, I usually don't know what the next chapter will be about. So imagine my surprise last night when I opened up my Bible where I'd left off the night before and, I was at Matthew, Chapter 5 . . . The Sermon on the Mount!
I don't believe those two events were coincidences! I know it was my Daddy letting me know He loves me, He cares for me, and He will help me through whatever comes my way. I got God bumps all over me!
For those who are reading my blog, (again, thank you!), I wasn't sure if you new the words to the song so I'm going to post them below. It is from Psalm 121.
I lift my eyes up
To the mountain
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from You
Maker of Heaven
Creator of the earth.
Oh how I need You Lord
You are my only hope
You're my only prayer
So I will wait for You
To come and rescue me
Come and give me life
(Brian Doerksen)
It's the start of a new week. A lot is happening this week. The legislature is going into a special session so work will be crazy busy for a few days. On Thursday my youngest is going to be induced and I plan to be with her in the delivery room. Her oldest child starts Kindergarten on Wednesday. I also have a six year old grandson who starts first grade today. I have a granddaughter who is starting her Freshman year and another starting her Senior year. Milestones in each of their lives. Then of course there are the other in betweens also starting school. Love them all so very much!
Matthew 19:14
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."
Be blessed,
Sue
Friday, August 6, 2010
Welcome to my crappy day
I just wrote this blog about my day and why it's so crappy and then I deleted it. Sometimes it's better to be quiet than to express one's feelings. So I will be brief.
Today is the 16th anniversary of my granddaughter's death from drowning in a pool. She would be 18 now. Sometimes life stinks. Sometimes it stinks so bad I just want to run away! But I am a responsible adult so I stay. (Thanks mom, for instilling responsibility in me as I grew up. Today I'd rather be irresponsible, but I learned well from you. You are a good teacher!)
Christy was buried in a pink fluffy casket. The lady who picked it out, Sandy, was a friend of mine. Shortly after she picked it out she was diagnosed with cancer. Sandy's in heaven now and I'd like to think she has visited with Christy and shared the message from me that I asked her to give to her. She kept a picture of Christy in her Bible so she wouldn't forget what she looked like. Oh Sandy, I bet you are having a blast right now!
It's hard to believe it's been 16 years. I try to picture Christy as an 18 year old and I just can't see it. She will always be that cute little two year old who shared her sandwich with her papa and always saved him a spot on his chair. She loved her papa very much.
She loved wearing my shoes all the time. She'd go in my closet and come out with a different pair constantly. I was always picking up my shoes and shaking my head as I mumbled her name. I'd love to be able to do that to her today. I think that's why I never mind Desi and Lilly doing it. It reminds me of their cousin.
Sixteen years! So much has happened since that dark morning. Christy had an older cousin, Nicole, who loved her like a sister. They were only four months apart. Cole called her "Sissy." She also had a baby cousin, Jared. I had three grandchildren. Now I have 15 with one being born next week! They all bring such joy to our lives.
Still...I miss Christy. I will always miss that precocious little girl. My one bright light in the darkness of that day is knowing I will see her again. I can't wait to hear her share stories about Heaven and our Savior with me. My lap will be ready to hold her.
It's a sad day for me and mine, but I can't help but think it's a glad day for Christy. While we mourn this anniversary, she celebrates. Because for 16 years now, she has danced on streets made of gold and walked with our Savior and seen the Glory of God. How awesome is that!
So yes, today is a crappy day for me. But Christy is celebrating. Happy anniversary sweetie! I love you, I miss you and I can't wait to see you again.
Psalm 121 1-2 (NIV)
I lift up my eyes to the hills-
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
Be blessed,
Sue
Today is the 16th anniversary of my granddaughter's death from drowning in a pool. She would be 18 now. Sometimes life stinks. Sometimes it stinks so bad I just want to run away! But I am a responsible adult so I stay. (Thanks mom, for instilling responsibility in me as I grew up. Today I'd rather be irresponsible, but I learned well from you. You are a good teacher!)
Christy was buried in a pink fluffy casket. The lady who picked it out, Sandy, was a friend of mine. Shortly after she picked it out she was diagnosed with cancer. Sandy's in heaven now and I'd like to think she has visited with Christy and shared the message from me that I asked her to give to her. She kept a picture of Christy in her Bible so she wouldn't forget what she looked like. Oh Sandy, I bet you are having a blast right now!
It's hard to believe it's been 16 years. I try to picture Christy as an 18 year old and I just can't see it. She will always be that cute little two year old who shared her sandwich with her papa and always saved him a spot on his chair. She loved her papa very much.
She loved wearing my shoes all the time. She'd go in my closet and come out with a different pair constantly. I was always picking up my shoes and shaking my head as I mumbled her name. I'd love to be able to do that to her today. I think that's why I never mind Desi and Lilly doing it. It reminds me of their cousin.
Sixteen years! So much has happened since that dark morning. Christy had an older cousin, Nicole, who loved her like a sister. They were only four months apart. Cole called her "Sissy." She also had a baby cousin, Jared. I had three grandchildren. Now I have 15 with one being born next week! They all bring such joy to our lives.
Still...I miss Christy. I will always miss that precocious little girl. My one bright light in the darkness of that day is knowing I will see her again. I can't wait to hear her share stories about Heaven and our Savior with me. My lap will be ready to hold her.
It's a sad day for me and mine, but I can't help but think it's a glad day for Christy. While we mourn this anniversary, she celebrates. Because for 16 years now, she has danced on streets made of gold and walked with our Savior and seen the Glory of God. How awesome is that!
So yes, today is a crappy day for me. But Christy is celebrating. Happy anniversary sweetie! I love you, I miss you and I can't wait to see you again.
Psalm 121 1-2 (NIV)
I lift up my eyes to the hills-
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
Be blessed,
Sue
Thursday, August 5, 2010
So my day wasn't so great, but I will still rejoice!
I hate hurting. It is a huge pain in my butt! Or should I say my back.....
Have I blogged about pain yet? I think I have. I'm sure I have. Well, it doesn't matter. Right now I am in pain. I need someone to come over and bring my inversion table out of the bedroom and bring it back into the living room. Maybe if I start hanging upside down again it will help me feel better. It can't make me feel worse, that's for sure! Oh Lord, heal my back, PLEASE!!!
We had a frightening event last night. Jack and I were watching the baseball game and the Diamondbacks were losing (now there's a shock!). I got up to get myself some apple pie and ice cream. Jack and I were talking from the kitchen to the living room and all seemed fine. I came back and sat down to watch the game. The ump made a call I didn't like and I said something to Jack about it. Out of the corner of my eye I saw his hand flailing and I heard him make what I thought was a sound of disgust. In my mind, I thought he was raising his fist to the ump. But then I realized his arm was still waiving so I turned to look at him.
He was having what looked like a seizure. Both arms were jerking and his hands were punching himself in the face. His head was turned sideways and his eyes were wide open. His legs were also jerking. He was able to talk though so he didn't pass out. He didn't want me to call 911 but he couldn't stop jerking. So I called them.
I was so freaked out though that I forgot to hit the talk button and was getting frustrated that the phone wouldn't ring. Finally I realized what I had done and I hit the button and the phone began to ring. I told the operator what was going on and she dispatched paramedics to my house. She told me not to hold him down but he was punching himself in the face pretty badly. He had a few scratches but then he cut the corner of his eye and I was worried he'd really hurt himself. So I asked her if I could just hold his hands to protect his face. She told me it would be OK to do that.
I don't know how long it took the paramedics to get there. It felt like an eternity. Jack continued to convulse and finally quit just as they came walking through the door. It could have been only 90 seconds but I think it was more like three minutes. To say I was scared is an understatement! I have only felt fear like that once before and that was when I was in that police car with my daughter on our way to the hospital when Christy drowned. I had no idea what was wrong with him and I was afraid.
The first thing the paramedics did was test his blood sugar. It was 40 so they told me to get him some orange juice and put a teaspoon of sugar in it. Being shook up like I was, I wasn't thinking clearly and did what he asked. I totally forgot that orange juice is on Jack's list of forbidden fruits because he has renal failure and is on dialysis. But Jack realized it after the first sip. So they had him drink cranberry juice with sugar. They tested his blood again and it was 33. They made him swallow glucose from a tube. He thinks they gave him three tubes of it. I only saw one tube, but I was busy talking to another paramedic so I'm not sure.
They took him to the ER and I followed behind. The good thing about going to the ER by ambulance is they get you right in. The waiting room was packed but we didn't have to wait out there.
They checked his blood sugar and it was now 272!! However, the doctor said she'd rather it be high instead of low. He could die from it being too low. He is always afraid of it being high because it can damage the kidneys. Well the doctor told him that isn't an issue anymore, now that he has renal failure. So he will raise his basal rate on his insulin pump. His new target number is 150 instead of 100.
He's fine now. Tired from spending the night in the ER but otherwise, fine. Me....I'm not so sure. It seems like every day I wonder what tomorrow will bring with him. There is so much wrong with him and it is all due to his diabetes. He's had juvenile diabetes since he was 17 years old. Forty-two years is a long time to suffer.
Jack is on a national kidney transplant list. He's been on it for two years. We go back to the Mayo Clinic this month for his yearly physical. Jack has decided to change his status from kidney transplant to a pancreas/kidney transplant. After 42 years of being diabetic and testing his blood all day and night, he'd like a break. I can't say I blame him.
I hate pain. I hate diabetes. I hate kidney failure. I am ready for God's healing touch on my husband and myself. Without a doubt, I know God can do it. For reasons only He knows, it hasn't happened. But I won't lose faith.
Hebrews 11:1 (NLT)
Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.
Psalm 118:24 (NIV)
This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Be blessed,
Sue
Have I blogged about pain yet? I think I have. I'm sure I have. Well, it doesn't matter. Right now I am in pain. I need someone to come over and bring my inversion table out of the bedroom and bring it back into the living room. Maybe if I start hanging upside down again it will help me feel better. It can't make me feel worse, that's for sure! Oh Lord, heal my back, PLEASE!!!
We had a frightening event last night. Jack and I were watching the baseball game and the Diamondbacks were losing (now there's a shock!). I got up to get myself some apple pie and ice cream. Jack and I were talking from the kitchen to the living room and all seemed fine. I came back and sat down to watch the game. The ump made a call I didn't like and I said something to Jack about it. Out of the corner of my eye I saw his hand flailing and I heard him make what I thought was a sound of disgust. In my mind, I thought he was raising his fist to the ump. But then I realized his arm was still waiving so I turned to look at him.
He was having what looked like a seizure. Both arms were jerking and his hands were punching himself in the face. His head was turned sideways and his eyes were wide open. His legs were also jerking. He was able to talk though so he didn't pass out. He didn't want me to call 911 but he couldn't stop jerking. So I called them.
I was so freaked out though that I forgot to hit the talk button and was getting frustrated that the phone wouldn't ring. Finally I realized what I had done and I hit the button and the phone began to ring. I told the operator what was going on and she dispatched paramedics to my house. She told me not to hold him down but he was punching himself in the face pretty badly. He had a few scratches but then he cut the corner of his eye and I was worried he'd really hurt himself. So I asked her if I could just hold his hands to protect his face. She told me it would be OK to do that.
I don't know how long it took the paramedics to get there. It felt like an eternity. Jack continued to convulse and finally quit just as they came walking through the door. It could have been only 90 seconds but I think it was more like three minutes. To say I was scared is an understatement! I have only felt fear like that once before and that was when I was in that police car with my daughter on our way to the hospital when Christy drowned. I had no idea what was wrong with him and I was afraid.
The first thing the paramedics did was test his blood sugar. It was 40 so they told me to get him some orange juice and put a teaspoon of sugar in it. Being shook up like I was, I wasn't thinking clearly and did what he asked. I totally forgot that orange juice is on Jack's list of forbidden fruits because he has renal failure and is on dialysis. But Jack realized it after the first sip. So they had him drink cranberry juice with sugar. They tested his blood again and it was 33. They made him swallow glucose from a tube. He thinks they gave him three tubes of it. I only saw one tube, but I was busy talking to another paramedic so I'm not sure.
They took him to the ER and I followed behind. The good thing about going to the ER by ambulance is they get you right in. The waiting room was packed but we didn't have to wait out there.
They checked his blood sugar and it was now 272!! However, the doctor said she'd rather it be high instead of low. He could die from it being too low. He is always afraid of it being high because it can damage the kidneys. Well the doctor told him that isn't an issue anymore, now that he has renal failure. So he will raise his basal rate on his insulin pump. His new target number is 150 instead of 100.
He's fine now. Tired from spending the night in the ER but otherwise, fine. Me....I'm not so sure. It seems like every day I wonder what tomorrow will bring with him. There is so much wrong with him and it is all due to his diabetes. He's had juvenile diabetes since he was 17 years old. Forty-two years is a long time to suffer.
Jack is on a national kidney transplant list. He's been on it for two years. We go back to the Mayo Clinic this month for his yearly physical. Jack has decided to change his status from kidney transplant to a pancreas/kidney transplant. After 42 years of being diabetic and testing his blood all day and night, he'd like a break. I can't say I blame him.
I hate pain. I hate diabetes. I hate kidney failure. I am ready for God's healing touch on my husband and myself. Without a doubt, I know God can do it. For reasons only He knows, it hasn't happened. But I won't lose faith.
Hebrews 11:1 (NLT)
Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.
Psalm 118:24 (NIV)
This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.
Be blessed,
Sue
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Can you hear me now?
On the way into work this morning I was resting my eyes and praying about pretty much everything that popped into my head. I was meditating on the human race and how messed up we all seem to be. Pharmaceuticals make a killing on anti-depression medications. People take drugs for every ailment imaginable. Some, of course, are absolutely life saving and very necessary. The diabetic must take insulin every day. The transplant patient must take multiple medications each day to keep that organ from being rejected. And even people with serious depression find some relief in an anti-depressant pill.
So this post is not about taking medication or not taking medication. No, this blog is about something much deeper. (At least for me.) And that is, why are we so quick to turn to a doctor for every ailment, serious and minor, but won't turn to the greatest Physician in the universe?
My husband had a mug when we first got married that said "God loves each and every one of us as if there was only one of us." This is so true! When I look at my children I know that I love each one of them equally. Even when they were living in total disobedience to my will and wishes. I never, ever loved one less than the other. And if I can love my kids even when they are rebelling, God most definitely can love us even when we are living a life of sin.
God, in His compassionate love, mercy, grace and kindness, created a way to communicate to us that anyone can understand. By using the hands of man He created the Bible (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth). In His Word, He shows us His heart, His desires, His wishes and His will for our lives. We learn through the teachings of Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Peter, Paul, and James that God is a loving God. He is a God who wishes that no one would ever perish.
He is also a perfect God who cannot allow any sin in Heaven. And knowing that man was full of sin, He offered up His only Son as a perfect sacrifice. Prior to the death of His Son, people were offering sacrifices year after year after year, trying to seek God's forgiveness. But God knew that we are just humans, incapable of living sin free 100% of the time. So Jesus took all our sins, past, present and yet to be committed, and gave Himself as the ultimate sacrifice. Once and for always!
The only thing we have to do on our part is to admit we are a sinner and have fallen short of God's glory. And then we need to just ask Jesus into our heart and forgive us from all of our sins. And amazingly, miraculously, He does just that!
I've heard people say, "How can a loving God condemn someone to Hell?" And my response is, "Why do you refuse the free gift of salvation by not asking Christ into your heart?"
You see, God's desire is that none would perish. 2 Peter 3:9 says "The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. John 3:16 says "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." And one of my favorite verses, John 10:28, Jesus says, "I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand."
WOW! That is to me, a very loving God! And He speaks to us every single day. He gives us His Holy Word but He also speaks to us through other means. Some people call it a subconscious but I believe it is God speaking to us through His Holy Spirit. He speaks to us through nature. The rainbow is His promise that he would never destroy the earth again. He speaks through other men by giving them words of knowledge.
Have you ever been going about your business and suddenly a friend or family member or even just a coworker or someone you hardly know, pops into your mind and you have this desire to say a quick prayer for them? Sometimes it happens in the middle of the night! That is God's way of telling us we need to pray for that person. Many times I have had this happen to me only to find out later on that at that exact same time, the very person I was praying for was going through a difficult time and they felt my prayers. They were able to get through that trial and go on!
Sometimes God will use a child to speak to us. You've heard the saying "Out of the mouth of babes!" I believe children actually hear from God better than we do because they haven't been disillusioned by the world yet. They still have an innocent faith and don't question God's abilities.
Once God even spoke by using an Ass! (Numbers 22:28) It's a very interesting story about how God opened the mouth of an ass to speak to Balaam. (And if He can use an ass, surely He can use me!)
I also believe God speaks to us through earthquakes, hurricanes, floods, volcano eruptions, etc. This old earth is so full of sin and corruption. It is everywhere you turn. I believe God uses the natural disasters to speak to us to return to Him while there is still time! I'm not saying God causes them, but I am saying He allows them to show us that the time is short. The harvest is ripe but the workers are few.
God speaks to us every single day, in a multiple of ways. The question is, are we listening? Can we hear Him now?
2 Corinthians 6:1-2 (NLT)
As God's partners, we beg you not to accept this marvelous gift of God's kindness and then ignore it. For God says,
"At just the right time, I heard you.
On the day of salvation, I helped you.
Indeed, the "right time" is now. Today is the day of salvation.
Be blessed,
Sue
So this post is not about taking medication or not taking medication. No, this blog is about something much deeper. (At least for me.) And that is, why are we so quick to turn to a doctor for every ailment, serious and minor, but won't turn to the greatest Physician in the universe?
My husband had a mug when we first got married that said "God loves each and every one of us as if there was only one of us." This is so true! When I look at my children I know that I love each one of them equally. Even when they were living in total disobedience to my will and wishes. I never, ever loved one less than the other. And if I can love my kids even when they are rebelling, God most definitely can love us even when we are living a life of sin.
God, in His compassionate love, mercy, grace and kindness, created a way to communicate to us that anyone can understand. By using the hands of man He created the Bible (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth). In His Word, He shows us His heart, His desires, His wishes and His will for our lives. We learn through the teachings of Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Peter, Paul, and James that God is a loving God. He is a God who wishes that no one would ever perish.
He is also a perfect God who cannot allow any sin in Heaven. And knowing that man was full of sin, He offered up His only Son as a perfect sacrifice. Prior to the death of His Son, people were offering sacrifices year after year after year, trying to seek God's forgiveness. But God knew that we are just humans, incapable of living sin free 100% of the time. So Jesus took all our sins, past, present and yet to be committed, and gave Himself as the ultimate sacrifice. Once and for always!
The only thing we have to do on our part is to admit we are a sinner and have fallen short of God's glory. And then we need to just ask Jesus into our heart and forgive us from all of our sins. And amazingly, miraculously, He does just that!
I've heard people say, "How can a loving God condemn someone to Hell?" And my response is, "Why do you refuse the free gift of salvation by not asking Christ into your heart?"
You see, God's desire is that none would perish. 2 Peter 3:9 says "The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. John 3:16 says "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." And one of my favorite verses, John 10:28, Jesus says, "I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand."
WOW! That is to me, a very loving God! And He speaks to us every single day. He gives us His Holy Word but He also speaks to us through other means. Some people call it a subconscious but I believe it is God speaking to us through His Holy Spirit. He speaks to us through nature. The rainbow is His promise that he would never destroy the earth again. He speaks through other men by giving them words of knowledge.
Have you ever been going about your business and suddenly a friend or family member or even just a coworker or someone you hardly know, pops into your mind and you have this desire to say a quick prayer for them? Sometimes it happens in the middle of the night! That is God's way of telling us we need to pray for that person. Many times I have had this happen to me only to find out later on that at that exact same time, the very person I was praying for was going through a difficult time and they felt my prayers. They were able to get through that trial and go on!
Sometimes God will use a child to speak to us. You've heard the saying "Out of the mouth of babes!" I believe children actually hear from God better than we do because they haven't been disillusioned by the world yet. They still have an innocent faith and don't question God's abilities.
Once God even spoke by using an Ass! (Numbers 22:28) It's a very interesting story about how God opened the mouth of an ass to speak to Balaam. (And if He can use an ass, surely He can use me!)
I also believe God speaks to us through earthquakes, hurricanes, floods, volcano eruptions, etc. This old earth is so full of sin and corruption. It is everywhere you turn. I believe God uses the natural disasters to speak to us to return to Him while there is still time! I'm not saying God causes them, but I am saying He allows them to show us that the time is short. The harvest is ripe but the workers are few.
God speaks to us every single day, in a multiple of ways. The question is, are we listening? Can we hear Him now?
2 Corinthians 6:1-2 (NLT)
As God's partners, we beg you not to accept this marvelous gift of God's kindness and then ignore it. For God says,
"At just the right time, I heard you.
On the day of salvation, I helped you.
Indeed, the "right time" is now. Today is the day of salvation.
Be blessed,
Sue
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
His mercies are new every morning!
For the past three weekends my church has had a guest speaker, my former youth pastor, Gary Kinnaman. His message was awesome! He did a three part series called "God's Crazy Amazing Plan For You." Part one was called "Who R U?" Part two was called "What R U doing here?" and this past weekend's sermon title was called "Do Your Prayers Really Matter?"
Each message was awesome. In fact, I would encourage anyone reading this to go to the Vineyard website at http://vineyardnorthphoenix.com and check out these three messages. (While you are at it, listen to some of Brian Anderson's messages as well. He is our senior pastor and his sermons are amazing.)
Anyway, as I said, all three messages were awesome. But this last message touched me in a most profound way. Pastor Gary shared how it doesn't matter how well we pray because before they ever get to God the angels put them in a golden censer (Rev. 8:3), and Jesus has taken them and fixed them up. Or as Pastor Gary said, He deodorizes them so that their fragrance is a sweet aroma (II Cor. 2:15). So by the time God hears them, they are perfect prayers.
When I think of all the times I've prayed (or tried to pray), and worried that my words weren't eloquent enough or meaningful enough, and wondered if God understood what I was asking...but I was worried needlessly! Jesus takes our prayers and delivers them to the Father personally!
I don't have my notes with me so I'm relating most of this from memory. I tried to pull the notes up online but they haven't been posted yet. In all seriousness, Pastor Gary tells it much better than I can!
I am so thankful God hears my perfect prayers!
Lamentations 3:21-23 (KJ)
This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope.
It is the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
They are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness!
Be blessed,
Sue
Each message was awesome. In fact, I would encourage anyone reading this to go to the Vineyard website at http://vineyardnorthphoenix.com and check out these three messages. (While you are at it, listen to some of Brian Anderson's messages as well. He is our senior pastor and his sermons are amazing.)
Anyway, as I said, all three messages were awesome. But this last message touched me in a most profound way. Pastor Gary shared how it doesn't matter how well we pray because before they ever get to God the angels put them in a golden censer (Rev. 8:3), and Jesus has taken them and fixed them up. Or as Pastor Gary said, He deodorizes them so that their fragrance is a sweet aroma (II Cor. 2:15). So by the time God hears them, they are perfect prayers.
When I think of all the times I've prayed (or tried to pray), and worried that my words weren't eloquent enough or meaningful enough, and wondered if God understood what I was asking...but I was worried needlessly! Jesus takes our prayers and delivers them to the Father personally!
I don't have my notes with me so I'm relating most of this from memory. I tried to pull the notes up online but they haven't been posted yet. In all seriousness, Pastor Gary tells it much better than I can!
I am so thankful God hears my perfect prayers!
Lamentations 3:21-23 (KJ)
This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope.
It is the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
They are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness!
Be blessed,
Sue
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