I'm ready to get off the roller coaster and go on the kiddy ride!

Last night Jack and I, along with the family on both sides, got to ride one heck of an emotional roller coaster.  I don't think I've ever experienced such an overwhelming extreme of emotions like that in my entire life time! 

Last week I blogged about Jack's transplant news.  We were told he was next on the list for the kidney/pancreas transplant and to stick close to home.  We weren't given a time frame and were told it could be a week, a month, a year...but it could also be any moment. 

I also blogged a while back about my frustration at the changes in Jack since he went into renal failure two years ago.  I have spent more time in prayer regarding his health, my attitude, needed patience, and even the person who we would get the organs from, than I have ever prayed about anything.  There are days when my faith is next to none and I wonder if the transplant will ever happen.  Then there are days where I am afraid of the surgery because of all the changes that will take place in Jack's life.  And of course the fear that his body might reject the implant is always there as well.

Each time I cry to God, He is always faithful to comfort me.  He reminds me of His word and speaks in that, oh so gentle voice.  I have to really listen because He never pushes. 

Yesterday, I was having another one of my pity parties and near tears most of the day.  I was feeling like we would never see the end of this and my faith was very small!  I was crying out to God and again reminding Him that He never gives us more than we can deal with without giving us a way to deal with it.  And I was feeling like I was at the end.  I wanted to run away....

Jack wasn't feeling to perky either and suggested we go out for dinner rather than heat up a frozen TV dinner.  It wasn't too hard to decided what to do...Village Inn, Swanson's Frozen Dinner, Village Inn, Frozen Dinner.  Such a hard decision...NOT!  (Guess what we decided?)

Anyhow, on the way home from Village Inn (if you guessed frozen TV dinner, you really don't know me!), Jack was driving and his cell phone rang.  I could tell it was a woman on the other line and at first I thought it was our daughter.  But then when he started answering her questions with information as to his health, last time he took an antibiotic, any open sores not healing, etc., my pulse started to race.  Could this be THE call?

At this point Jack was driving 60 in a 40 mph zone and I hit him ever so gently on the arm.  I pointed to the speedometer and he slowed down.  He kept talking and answering questions and turned into the wrong neighborhood so I told him to pull over and let me drive.  I still didn't know what the phone call was about but my heart was racing! 

We switched seats and he finished his call.  When he hung up he told me "Surgery tonight!"  Jack. got. the. call!!!  We were told to go home and wait for the hospital to call back at 9:00 p.m. when the surgeon would get there.  We would have a two hour wait.

Now it was me trying not to speed as we headed home.  My mind was racing.  We didn't expect this to happen this soon.  We had nothing packed.  I had unfinished business at work that needed my attention!  (Trust me, anything on my desk could have been handled by someone else, but that's beside the point!)

We got home and Jack called his mom while I called my mom.  I then sent out the text message to everyone on my family group that I had previously set up so I could notify everyone at once.  And of course I updated my status on Facebook!  Between the house phone and our cell  phones ringing and beeping, we were a wreck!  We were trying to think of what we needed to pack to take to the hospital while at the same time answering questions to everyone on the phones.  AGGH!

Meanwhile two of my daughters and my oldest son drove like speed demons to get to my house.  We were all going to go to the hospital together to keep me company.  We were laughing, we were crying.  We were calling, and texting and facebooking everybody we knew.  My poor dogs didn't know what to think!

And we waited for 9:00 to arrive.  We all watched the clock and every time the phone rang, we jumped.  And at 8:58 the call came in.

The pancreas was no good.  It could not be used.  And Jack, although he is at the top for the kidney/pancreas, he is not at the top of the list for just  a kidney.  It would go to someone else.  There are no words to describe how we all felt at that moment.  We. were. crushed.

The transplant coordinator did tell Jack that he is still at the top of the list and it could be any moment.  She felt sure it would be within two weeks, but couldn't be sure.

Our children could see how devastated we were and said they wanted to pray over us before they went back home.  They prayed such awesome prayers over us!  But they also prayed for the other families that were affected by this.  They prayed for the person who lost their life.  They prayed for the family who lost their loved one.  They prayed for the person who would receive a new kidney that night.  And they prayed for all the medical staff in the operating room.  And then they went home.

Jack and I did not sleep well last night.  We were hoping the phone would ring.  But, it wasn't meant to be.  At least, not yet.  So we go back to waiting.  And I go back to holding on to my Father's hand, trusting that He will get Jack and I through another day.

This morning when I got to work my Verse of the Day was waiting in my inbox.  God's timing is ironic! 

Matthew 7:7-11
Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.

For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.



Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent?


If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!

So we are again asking God to provide the kidney and pancreas, knowing full well that it also means someone loses their life in order to extend Jack's.  I find myself praying for that person and their family as well. 

I am ready to get off the roller coaster.  I think I'd like to try one of the kiddy rides now.

Be blessed,

Sue

Eviction notice

We interrupt the regularly scheduled program to deliver a special message.

Dear Back pain:

Please accept this letter as formal notice that you are being evicted from my property (body).  For three years you have caused me nothing but but agonizing pain.  You have rudely interrupted me during meal time and family time.  You have caused me countless nights of sleeplessness.  You have prevented me from enjoying life as I used to before you so rudely moved in. 

These past three years have been nothing but pain, depression and misery.  I didn't invite you into my life and I don't want you to continue being a part of my life.  You are worse than an ex husband and you have to go. 

I would appreciate immediate action on your part.  The sooner you pack up and leave, the happier we all will be.  And don't bother coming back, you are not wanted.

Sincerely and seriously,

Me

That is all.  You may now resume your regularly scheduled program!

Shopping bargains and transplant news

I've been away from blogville for a while.  My computer crashed so I couldn't get on it.  It had a very bad virus.  Fortunately we have a friend who was able to fix it, but I lost everything on it.  I am so glad I backed my pics on disk! 

Also, my youngest sister was in town and I tried to spend as much time with her as I could.  She was only here for a week and Jack was still in the hospital when she got here.  So between spending time with him and spending time with her, it wasn't easy!  But this past weekend we spent time doing one of our favorite activities....SHOPPING!

First we went to Kohl's and hit their clearance racks.  My sister has this amazing eye for seeing things others pass over.  She kept pulling clothes of the rack and saying things like "Look at this top.  It's only $2.80 and it would look so cute on you!", or "Sue, you have to get this.  It's only $3.00!", or "I'm going to buy this, you should get one too.  It's only $3.20."  But I was not interested in buying for myself.  I was a woman on a mission.  I was Christmas Shopping!  This year I want to buy gifts without going in debt.  So when dear little sister started showing me all those bargains, an idea popped into my head.  Christmas presents for the fam.  So I started grabbing off the shelf and looked at everything.  I can't post what I got, (in case any of my family members read my blogs), but I also got a $42 pair of Capri slacks for $9 for myself.  I spent $124 but saved over $280!  And then to sweeten the deal, I got $20 in Kohl's Cash!  Woo-hoo!

After we left Kohl's, we headed over to Target to check out their clearance racks.  Oh my goodness, I found some more clothes for the grand kids and kids.  I found a shirt for myself for $2!  I spent another $60 but saved over $200!  I was so thrilled!  I was able to get gifts for six of my grand kids plus my kids. 

After three hours of shopping I said goodbye to my sister and went home to get ready for church.  I was wishing I could have spent more time hunting the clearance rack for bargains but knew I didn't have time.

On Sunday my sister called me and asked me if I wanted to go to the Kohl's by her son's house.  Of course I said YES!  We got to Kohl's around 2:00.  We went with two other gals and we all went our own way.  I headed over to the petite department to see if I could find a nice shirt to go with the Capri slacks I purchased the day before.  Since I was already wearing them, it should be easy.  I just needed to match colors.  Ha!  I not only found the perfect shirt (after four different choices), but I found another pair of really cute Capri slacks for $3.  Of course I had to find a blouse to match so I kept looking.  My daughter found a pair of cargo Capri pants that she insisted would look really cute on me.  They were $38 dollar slacks for $3.80 so of course I agreed.  And of course I had to find another shirt for those slacks.  I found one for $2!  I was in hog heaven.  I got three outfits for less than $30!  And these were not cheap outfits, but good quality clothes.  These are clothes I can wear to work, and since I haven't bought clothes in well over two years, I feel OK about the purchase.

PLUS, I continued to Christmas shop and got more for the grand kids, and hubby!  I only have one grandson and one granddaughter still to buy for here in AZ!  (I still have my three in Cali, but may do a gift card...we shall see.)  Anyway, my total at Kohl's this time was $113 and my savings was $249!  Plus another $20 in Kohl's cash!  My baby's birthday is Thursday, and I am taking her to Kohl's.  If she's smart, she'll get everything off the clearance racks.  $40 in Kohl's cash will buy a lot!

My sister only spent $24 but she got a lot.  Our friend Denise spent $400 but she saved over $800 plus she got $80 in Kohl's cash.  We had a blast shopping!

We spent three hours at Kohl's and then headed to Target.  My sister still needed to buy a pair of shorts for her son.  Denise and I were shopped out so we headed over to Starbucks and went over our receipts to see how much we saved.  We were thrilled.  I asked her if she had been Christmas shopping, and she said "Nope!  Just shopping!"  I asked her if she would adopt me.  She just laughed.  I don't think she realized, I was serious!

After we left Target we headed back to my mom's house for dinner.  Judie said goodbye to Denise and they cried a little.  Denise and Judie have been best friends since grade school so its always emotional when Judie has to leave. (They are such good friends that they even got matching tattoos while she was here.  The got half a butterfly on their foot so when they put their feet next to each other, it makes a whole butterfly.  Yeah, I know...corny!)

Mom had the best sweet corn on the cob, chicken, salad and pilaf rice waiting.  Yum!  (Food is always so much better tasting when mom cooks it!)  While cleaning the kitchen my sister sliced her finger on a very sharp knife.  I thought we should have taken her to the ER but Dad saved the day with some green band aids. 

It was getting time to go home and my sister didn't want me to leave.  So my hubby made the huge sacrifice and let me spend the night.  We were up till after 12:30 and we both slept on the couches.  I didn't sleep well, but expected I wouldn't.  I knew we had to get up early to head to the airport so I thought I might get six hours sleep.  But Dad decided to take us out for breakfast before we headed to the airport so we got up a little after 5 a.m.

I hated dropping her off at the airport.  I hate it when she goes home.  But hopefully this will be the last time we have to do that.  If all goes well, she will be home for good by Spring. Of course, I'll have to avoid going to the store with her, or I will be in the poor house for sure!

Yesterday I was too pooped to do anything so I just sat around and watched TV.  Today, I debated on writing my blog since I really don't have many followers but realized that I don't write this blog to be followed, but I write it for discipline.  So that when I finally write my book, I will have some sort of discipline under my belt.  So, here's my blog.

On another very important note...Jack is home from the hospital!!  He is very tired but slowly getting better.  Of course, he feels like he should be back to normal by now and I have to keep reminding him that he is just getting over pneumonia and it takes time.

And, even more exciting, on Friday he got a phone call from the Mayo Clinic.  They told him not go out of town anytime soon.  It appears that he is next on the list for an O+ transplant!  And we also got a letter yesterday from our insurance to let us know he has been approved for the kidney/pancreas transplant.  So we are praying he gets both at the same time.  He's been a diabetic since he was 17 years old so he can't even imagine what it would be like to not be diabetic.  He's been testing his blood and taking insulin for 42 years! 

Can't think of anything else to write today.  So I'll end with one of my favorite scriptures.

Hebrews 11:1
Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Be blessed,

Sue

Long time no see (or write)

It's been almost two weeks since my last post.  So much for blogging every day!  Its been a rough week. 

Remember my rant post a couple of weeks ago?  Well, dear hubby has been in the hospital now since Saturday and is still not doing as well as I would like.  The doctor had recently changed his blood pressure meds and put him on one called losinipro.  It seemed to be working because his blood pressure was finally staying in the normal range.  But two weeks ago he thought he was getting a cold.  His throat was sore and he had a cough.  As the week went on, it got worse and worse until Saturday, when he began coughing so hard he started to vomit. 

The vomiting caused his gastro paresis to flair up which meant he couldn't stop vomiting.  So Saturday evening I took him to the ER.  After an almost 4 hour wait they finally brought us back to an exam room.  The doctor immediately decided to admit him.  They have run all kinds of tests, X-rays, MRI and CT scans.  Everything has come back normal (still waiting on the MRI results) but his cough is worse.  They have determined it is caused from the Losinipro and have taken him off, but we have been told it could take a month for the cough to go away.  They (the doctors at the hospital) are also saying he might have COPD.  I will be furious if this drug caused it! 

We had hoped he would be released from the hospital by now, but when I spoke to him at lunch time, it didn't look that way.  He is feeling very discouraged and I don't blame him.  He has been poked and prodded and put through a lot this week.

Because I am deaf (with cochlear implants), I can't hear the alarm go off.   Jack has always been my alarm clock.  So I've been using my cell phone and setting it on vibrate. I literally fall asleep holding the phone in my hand so I'll feel the alarm when it goes off.  The problem with this, however, is that I am afraid I'll let go of it and not feel the vibration when it goes off.  So I don't go into a deep sleep and I am constantly looking at the clock to see what time it is.  Needless to say...I am exhausted!

Yesterday, on my way home from work, I was feeling very sorry for myself.  Some fear welled up inside of me that this was to be my life and to get used to it.  I had a heart-to-heart with God, reminding Him that He would never give me more than I can work through.  I told Him "I'm stressed."  He answered back "You're blessed."  I told Him "I'm tired."  He responded, "My grace is enough."  I told Him, "I'm worried about finances, bills, etc.", and He told me, "Consider the lilies of the field." 

How can you argue with God?  The answer to that is, You cant!  God will get me through this.  I have a saying I heard a long time ago that I love.  I"f God will bring you to it, He'll bring you through it!"

Isaiah 40:31 (KJV)
But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

I am waiting on the Lord today!

Be blessed,

Sue