I'm ready to get off the roller coaster and go on the kiddy ride!

Last night Jack and I, along with the family on both sides, got to ride one heck of an emotional roller coaster.  I don't think I've ever experienced such an overwhelming extreme of emotions like that in my entire life time! 

Last week I blogged about Jack's transplant news.  We were told he was next on the list for the kidney/pancreas transplant and to stick close to home.  We weren't given a time frame and were told it could be a week, a month, a year...but it could also be any moment. 

I also blogged a while back about my frustration at the changes in Jack since he went into renal failure two years ago.  I have spent more time in prayer regarding his health, my attitude, needed patience, and even the person who we would get the organs from, than I have ever prayed about anything.  There are days when my faith is next to none and I wonder if the transplant will ever happen.  Then there are days where I am afraid of the surgery because of all the changes that will take place in Jack's life.  And of course the fear that his body might reject the implant is always there as well.

Each time I cry to God, He is always faithful to comfort me.  He reminds me of His word and speaks in that, oh so gentle voice.  I have to really listen because He never pushes. 

Yesterday, I was having another one of my pity parties and near tears most of the day.  I was feeling like we would never see the end of this and my faith was very small!  I was crying out to God and again reminding Him that He never gives us more than we can deal with without giving us a way to deal with it.  And I was feeling like I was at the end.  I wanted to run away....

Jack wasn't feeling to perky either and suggested we go out for dinner rather than heat up a frozen TV dinner.  It wasn't too hard to decided what to do...Village Inn, Swanson's Frozen Dinner, Village Inn, Frozen Dinner.  Such a hard decision...NOT!  (Guess what we decided?)

Anyhow, on the way home from Village Inn (if you guessed frozen TV dinner, you really don't know me!), Jack was driving and his cell phone rang.  I could tell it was a woman on the other line and at first I thought it was our daughter.  But then when he started answering her questions with information as to his health, last time he took an antibiotic, any open sores not healing, etc., my pulse started to race.  Could this be THE call?

At this point Jack was driving 60 in a 40 mph zone and I hit him ever so gently on the arm.  I pointed to the speedometer and he slowed down.  He kept talking and answering questions and turned into the wrong neighborhood so I told him to pull over and let me drive.  I still didn't know what the phone call was about but my heart was racing! 

We switched seats and he finished his call.  When he hung up he told me "Surgery tonight!"  Jack. got. the. call!!!  We were told to go home and wait for the hospital to call back at 9:00 p.m. when the surgeon would get there.  We would have a two hour wait.

Now it was me trying not to speed as we headed home.  My mind was racing.  We didn't expect this to happen this soon.  We had nothing packed.  I had unfinished business at work that needed my attention!  (Trust me, anything on my desk could have been handled by someone else, but that's beside the point!)

We got home and Jack called his mom while I called my mom.  I then sent out the text message to everyone on my family group that I had previously set up so I could notify everyone at once.  And of course I updated my status on Facebook!  Between the house phone and our cell  phones ringing and beeping, we were a wreck!  We were trying to think of what we needed to pack to take to the hospital while at the same time answering questions to everyone on the phones.  AGGH!

Meanwhile two of my daughters and my oldest son drove like speed demons to get to my house.  We were all going to go to the hospital together to keep me company.  We were laughing, we were crying.  We were calling, and texting and facebooking everybody we knew.  My poor dogs didn't know what to think!

And we waited for 9:00 to arrive.  We all watched the clock and every time the phone rang, we jumped.  And at 8:58 the call came in.

The pancreas was no good.  It could not be used.  And Jack, although he is at the top for the kidney/pancreas, he is not at the top of the list for just  a kidney.  It would go to someone else.  There are no words to describe how we all felt at that moment.  We. were. crushed.

The transplant coordinator did tell Jack that he is still at the top of the list and it could be any moment.  She felt sure it would be within two weeks, but couldn't be sure.

Our children could see how devastated we were and said they wanted to pray over us before they went back home.  They prayed such awesome prayers over us!  But they also prayed for the other families that were affected by this.  They prayed for the person who lost their life.  They prayed for the family who lost their loved one.  They prayed for the person who would receive a new kidney that night.  And they prayed for all the medical staff in the operating room.  And then they went home.

Jack and I did not sleep well last night.  We were hoping the phone would ring.  But, it wasn't meant to be.  At least, not yet.  So we go back to waiting.  And I go back to holding on to my Father's hand, trusting that He will get Jack and I through another day.

This morning when I got to work my Verse of the Day was waiting in my inbox.  God's timing is ironic! 

Matthew 7:7-11
Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.

For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.



Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent?


If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!

So we are again asking God to provide the kidney and pancreas, knowing full well that it also means someone loses their life in order to extend Jack's.  I find myself praying for that person and their family as well. 

I am ready to get off the roller coaster.  I think I'd like to try one of the kiddy rides now.

Be blessed,

Sue